The Pen That Says What You’re Thinking.

Why use a boring pen when you can use one that insults people for you? Our engraved bamboo pens are the perfect mix of savage humour, office banter, and zero-filter honesty. Whether you want rude quotes, dark humour, filth, chaos or a personalised insult — we engrave it permanently into real bamboo.

These pens aren’t just stationery… They’re weapons of sarcasm.

🔥 Choose Your Style

✔ Rude Pens – “Certified Bellend”, “Fuck off I’m busy”, “Shut up, I’m writing bollocks” ✔ Dark Humour Pens – “Powered by bad decisions”, “Dead inside vibes”, “Chaos & Filth Dispenser” ✔ Funny Office Pens – “Stop nicking my f*cking pen”, “Shit ideas start here” ✔ Personalised Pens – Add ANY name, joke, phrase or insult

If you can type it, we can engrave it.

🪵 Premium Bamboo. Permanent Engraving.

Every pen is laser engraved for a crisp, clean finish that won’t rub off. Smooth ink, lightweight, eco-friendly bamboo barrel, and a metal click top — because even rude pens deserve quality.

🎁 Perfect For

• Workmates who always steal your pen • Secret Santa • Office jokers • Friends with no filter • Your own desk because you’re a legend • Dark humour addicts • People who deserve a personalised insult

📝 Want It Personalised?

Add ANY wording — names, insults, inside jokes, whatever you want. We'll engrave it exactly as typed. No judgement. No filter. No problem.

💥 BUY 5, GET 5 FREE OFFER

Add 5 pens to your basket and we’ll automatically send 5 more FREE in your parcel. Mix & match any designs — or personalise them. You’ll receive 10 pens total.

🚚 Fast UK Shipping

Handmade, engraved and shipped from the UK — fast, safe and with perfect packaging