The Pen That Says What You’re Thinking.
Why use a boring pen when you can use one that insults people for you?
Our engraved bamboo pens are the perfect mix of savage humour, office banter, and zero-filter honesty. Whether you want rude quotes, dark humour, filth, chaos or a personalised insult — we engrave it permanently into real bamboo.
These pens aren’t just stationery…
They’re weapons of sarcasm.
🔥 Choose Your Style
✔ Rude Pens – “Certified Bellend”, “Fuck off I’m busy”, “Shut up, I’m writing bollocks”
✔ Dark Humour Pens – “Powered by bad decisions”, “Dead inside vibes”, “Chaos & Filth Dispenser”
✔ Funny Office Pens – “Stop nicking my f*cking pen”, “Shit ideas start here”
✔ Personalised Pens – Add ANY name, joke, phrase or insult
If you can type it, we can engrave it.
🪵 Premium Bamboo. Permanent Engraving.
Every pen is laser engraved for a crisp, clean finish that won’t rub off.
Smooth ink, lightweight, eco-friendly bamboo barrel, and a metal click top — because even rude pens deserve quality.
🎁 Perfect For
• Workmates who always steal your pen
• Secret Santa
• Office jokers
• Friends with no filter
• Your own desk because you’re a legend
• Dark humour addicts
• People who deserve a personalised insult
📝 Want It Personalised?
Add ANY wording — names, insults, inside jokes, whatever you want.
We'll engrave it exactly as typed.
No judgement. No filter. No problem.
💥 BUY 5, GET 5 FREE OFFER
Add 5 pens to your basket and we’ll automatically send 5 more FREE in your parcel.
Mix & match any designs — or personalise them.
You’ll receive 10 pens total.
🚚 Fast UK Shipping
Handmade, engraved and shipped from the UK — fast, safe and with perfect packaging